College Admissions - Lessons in a Scandal

Last week’s disclosure about the extent to which families will go to buy their kids’ way into college raises the anxiety around school admissions to a new level.  While the news is disturbing and unsettling, conditions have long been ripe for abuse. Coinciding with the timing of March college decisions, the news broke as we brace for this year's announcements of record high applications and new lows in admission rates.  It's no wonder that the frenzy around getting in grows more feverish with each cycle. There is much uncertainty and little transparency around admission decisions, making the terrain a breeding ground for novel ways to game and as we now know, even criminally exploit the system.  

Not surprisingly, admissions is far from a fair and transparent process. Imagine yourself an admission officer with marching orders to admit a class using criteria stacked with competing priorities: improve access for less privileged students and increase diversity (not one and the same), field competitive sports teams, and keep alumni, an important development source, happy.  And somewhere in there is a goal to enroll an well-balanced class that meets certain academic standards while managing to stay within a limited financial aid budget. No wonder the system is rife with inequities. What this means for the majority of smart, high achieving students is that they are competing for increasingly fewer available spots, after other “institutional” priorities have first been met.  

The situation increasingly encourages those who have influence to use it, whether making a substantial monetary gift to a school or using well-placed connections. While these actions may not skirt the law, they sometimes push the boundaries of ethical standards to improve a student’s chances. I would include in that category buying access with eyebrow-raising donations, and misrepresentations made by unscrupulous college admission consultants charging egregiously priced fees while instilling fear to convince parents of their worth.  Sadly, some individuals lacking a moral compass have taken it a step further. They recognized and acted on an opportunity to illegally secure certainty and prestige in an otherwise unpredictable environment. 

Working with students and families, I constantly hear and feel the anxiety around college admissions. The response I wish to offer, though rarely do for fear of how it might be taken is simply, breathe!  Breathing grounds us so we can refocus on what’s important: the mental and physical well-being of both our children and ourselves. This is core to the values embraced by the majority of counselors and educational consultants guiding students, those who are affiliated with associations that hold them to a high set of standards like the National Association for College Admission Counseling (NACAC), the Independent Educational Consultants Association (IECA) and the Higher Education Consultants Association (HECA).  We emphasize “fit,” avoid stoking fear and make no guarantees. 

It’s easy to lose perspective when winning a spot at a prestigious college becomes the primary objective, overshadowing admission to a place where our children will be appropriately challenged and supported, and where they will ultimately feel good about what they achieve. I hope and believe that families hire me to help them make student-focused, appropriate choices, whether it’s my input for the courses their child should take or the colleges I recommend they target.  I seek to enlighten them to the many wonderful colleges that accept more than 20-25% of their applicants, below which a school is no longer an outcome to count on for most students.  I also hope they'll come to realize that selectivity is not a measure of quality.

 I worry about the message being sent to many young people today.  There is less emphasis on helping youth develop grit and build resilience, teaching them how to pull themselves back up after experiencing failure or disappointment.  When kids observe their parents stressing about whether particular colleges will accept them, they are more likely to interpret and internalize the message to mean one thing: If I don’t get in, I will be a disappointment. Or worse: I've failed. The news media doesn’t help either. While my intent is not to bash the press or colleges that tout their low admit rates and the diminishing odds of being accepted, this kind of reporting only fuels the panic and anxiety.  We need instead to embrace Angela Duckworth’s message in her book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, and dial back the focus on the latest record highs in college applications (which of course translates into lower acceptance rates and more disappointment). Wouldn’t we rather raise children who are motivated to keep trying in the face of disappointment rather than likely to give up and conclude that life is unfair?

And here's the clincher.  It doesn't matter where you go...really! It matters what you do where you end up and how you seize and take advantage of the opportunities offered. In the words of Frank Bruni (and title of his book), Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be.  The college does not make the person.  If you still have doubts, check out the class profile for the students who entered Harvard Law School last fall.  You might be surprised by the range of undergraduate colleges from which students hail and the many non-household name schools.  

The scandal that has rocked the college admissions world exposes the extent to which greed and entitlement can fester when values are skewed and priorities misplaced.  One of the many shames of the college admission scandal is how the parents and other guilty parties hijacked the process, and in doing so, brought shame upon their kids. On a far different scale, the tendency to stress over and control the college admission process, though coming from a caring place, may not be what’s best for our children. Teach them how to be resilient instead. Whatever behavior we model, our children are watching. 

Grit: Discovering Our Mental Toughness

While ascending the never-ending sequence of climbs in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains last month, I wasn’t thinking about grit. I was purely determined to pedal my way to the crest of each hill and be that much closer to my destination: the next college on our itinerary. Cycling with six college guidance counselor colleagues in Virginia, I spent the week traveling from school to school on a bike fully loaded with the clothes and supplies I would need for the week. We college-bound road warriors biked 360 miles in six days, but one day in particular truly tested our stamina as we cycled 81 miles and climbed nearly 7,000 feet.  I will not lie. When we arrived at our Lynchburg College destination just before sunset, I was done, sure I would not have been able to complete one more rotation of my pedals if my life depended on it. In retrospect, I see that grit got me there. It allowed me to keep going, even when I was exhausted, parched and had no idea what ascents might lie ahead.

Merriam-Webster defines grit as mental toughness and courage, but I also like the Wikipedia definition: perseverance and passion for long-term goals.  Time horizon matters, as grit demands the drive to follow through even when the rewards are not easily within our sight or grasp.

As we begin another application season, I often ask students about their motivation. I want to know the things that excite them, their aspirations and goals, and how they hope to achieve them.  Where does college fit into these plans? Though I firmly believe that 17 year olds need not have everything figured out, I am curious about what inspires them to persevere, even when the path isn’t clear or the challenges seem insurmountable.  How and when are they mentally tough because they are driven by something that requires focus and effort, even when rewards don’t come easy, contrary to the short-term pleasure of immediate gratification?

While some people are naturally driven, I don’t believe one is necessarily born with grit. It develops over time as we find a purpose or an interest that engages us to persevere over the long-term.  Some kids find their passion early, whether it is discovering an artistic talent, a natural athletic ability or an academic curiosity.  But having an interest is only the start.  What keeps us going, drives us to delve more deeply and fuels our desire to set and work towards a challenging goal is an understanding for how grit feeds our soul. Rarely does this happen when the goal is within our grasp and comes too easily.  More often we develop grit and find our motivation when we take a risk, push ourselves, occasionally fall short but regain our mental and physical toughness to overcome the inevitable obstacles.  Only then can we see the true rewards from the toughness, courage and perseverance that got us there.  

Though I have enjoyed cycling on and off since the age of six, my infatuation with biking was kindled through a discovery of my love for colleges. It had been 30 years since I last owned a road bike, but I was determined to reacquaint myself with the sport and get myself into cycling shape to join and keep up with a group of counselor cyclists who found a way to combine these seemingly unrelated interests.  What I discovered on that hot July day somewhere around mile 70 when I was thirsty, weary and battling possible defeat at the sight of each new hill is that it wasn’t just about getting to the next college; it was about getting to the top of the mountain without giving up.   

Setting Goals - Challenge and Attainment

It is a beautiful day and I am in my office writing rather than getting on my bike. Why is that so significant? I am chastising myself because I am officially “in training” and should be taking advantage of afternoons such as this to cycle. Yes, I have committed to do a tour of colleges in southern California with a group of counselors during the first week of July. We will travel exclusively on bikes, covering 50 miles a day and carrying our own gear. As many of you know, I am a runner, not a cyclist. The thought of riding for hours on busy and hilly roads in a pack of cyclists with the weight and bulk of my week’s worth of belongings strapped to my bike is both exhilarating and terrifying.

You may be wondering why I am doing this if I am concerned about being up to the challenge. At my age (let’s just say I am over 40) what am I trying to prove? Frankly, this is not a question I am asking myself. I am doing this for several reasons: as a college consultant I know the importance of seeing schools firsthand in order to best guide my students towards finding the right fit. This is why I visit 50 to 60 colleges every year. I am also looking forward to meeting others in my field, mostly school guidance counselors, who share my professional objective. I anticipate a special camaraderie developing within this group of 14 after sharing an adventure filled week on the road. But one of my primary reasons is merely to have a goal; something challenging, yet attainable.

We all have goals in life, some we set for ourselves and others that are assigned to us. They give our lives purpose and direction. The ones that offer the greatest rewards and satisfaction are those that challenge and push us to attain something we might otherwise not have achieved. Is there any feeling more gratifying than working towards something that we’ve earned from sheer effort, thoughtful planning and persistence? In the absence of setting objectives, we often lose our way. We have nothing against which to measure progress and success. The goals in our lives instill discipline and motivation. And if we get off track, we must look within for the inner strength that drives our personal resiliency. It’s the stuff that builds confidence and makes us stronger.

How we set goals is important too, both for ourselves and for our children. Goals are not a “to-do” list. A truly enriching goal should result in something more than just one finished homework assignment or a clean room. Longer term goals force us to have a plan, be disciplined and focused. The true pleasure should come to the one who achieves the goal rather than the person who may have assigned it. Goals must be attainable, yet challenging; sweat is expected, but the blood and tears are not a prerequisite. (I say this as I look down upon my scabbed knee healing far too slowly after a silly spill on my first outdoor ride; I felt foolish and ten years old again). The child struggling through one too many AP classes who is suffering physically and emotionally under the stress, may be experiencing more harm than good. In too many of these cases, students end the semester feeling worse, not better about themselves. Instead, we should help our children discover the satisfaction of achievement from mastering a challenging task that pushes rather than paralyzes them. We as parents should help our sons and daughters set goals that ignite their passions and help them build resiliency and confidence.

The west coast bike tour is now just 12 weeks away. I will definitely get some cycling in this weekend. The training and ride will be a challenge, but I am up to the task. I am already anticipating the pride, satisfaction, and yes, exhilaration that I know I will feel in July.

Race to Nowhere - The Dark Side of America's Achievement Culture

I want to make all of my readers aware of a new documentary film by director Vicki Abeles titled Race to Nowhere. This documentary explores the negative impact of America’s high pressured and achievement-focused culture on our nation’s youth. Are the demands and expectations placed on young people today leading to a generation of burned out, depressed and disengaged youth? This is the conclusion of many educators, therapists, and other professionals who work with students and appear in interviews throughout the film. The method of teaching is also, arguably, leaving graduates ill-prepared to enter the workplace. Educators feel pressured to teach to tests rather than develop minds and impart skills necessary to succeed. Sadly, the despair felt by many youths has had and continues to have repercussions that impact and even destroy families. Ms. Abeles’ goal is to raise awareness of this distressing trend with the hope of starting a national dialogue that challenges our beliefs about the effectiveness and sanity of our education system and culture.

While the film is not yet widely distributed, screenings are taking place around the country. The movie is coming to the New York area the week of March 22. For those of you who live in or near Westchester County, you will have the opportunity to view this enlightening documentary on Tuesday evening, March 23 at 7:30 pm at the JCC Mid-Westchester in Scarsdale, NY. Tickets can be purchased in advance at the film’s website http://www.racetonowhere.com/ and by going to the “Screenings” page. Whether you can attend the screening or not, I encourage you to check out the website and watch the 3 minute film trailer. I believe this is a movie every parent to see.